The UNDEAD rise from the grave

Undead -is a collective name for mythological beings that are deceased yet behave as if alive. Undead may be spiritual, such as ghosts, or corporeal, such as vampires and zombies

So says wikipedia and these stories- from France, England and the Czech Republic prove the undead walk the earth as dead men have been found alive and well with explanations that don't quite ring true. Faked deaths, or not, seem to be getting more common- I can't remember quite so many ever happening before. My favourite is still the canoeist John Darwin, who walked into a police station last year and claimed he couldn't remember anything. He'd disappeared whilst canoing and was declared dead 1 year later. His resurrection coincided with his wife's move to Panama and they are both charged with insurance fraud. His wife even produced a photo of the pair of them in Panama once the story broke and she realised the game was up, despite initial claims that she too had thought him dead.

Reuters' headline- "Man Returns from the Dead, suspected of fraud" - made me titter as it must be fraudulent to be dead and then be undead, surely? And how can it only be suspected? It has to be fraud, he was dead, now he isn't.

"Hmmm... I suspect he's not dead, I suspect he's even alive" said the police officer, "Well is he breathing? Does he have a heart beat? Is he dead or isn't he?" replied the boss man..... "Well he's undead Sir, he was and now he isn't- I suspect its fraud".

Its a good headline anyway, even though the fraud is related to life insurance policies (aren't all the dead/undead ones linked to that?) rather than whether he's dead or not.

Crime doesn't pay people and the undead walk the earth...... luckily Max Brooks has written The Zombie Survival Guard- Complete Protection from the UNDEAD..... it is essential reading as the dead reanimate

Colonel Karuna Sentenced

This is a bizarre one.... and thanks Embo for reminding me..... Colonel Karuna (who I've mentioned before here and here) is the former LTTE Eastern Military Commander in Sri Lanka who split from the LTTE in March 2004 and fought a little civil war with the northern command. Since then, the rumours have suggested the government was involved and supported Karuna and since the Sri Lankan Military have 'taken back' the east Karuna's TMVP (Tamil People's Liberation Party) 'political party' has been exerting more pressure politically over the Tamils in the area. I remember when based in Ampara and Batticaloa districts seeing the TMVP cadres armed to the teeth outside their political party offices, and the question always sprung to mind, why do the police/army etc. allow them to carry arms and at the same time the government denies they are a) carrying them and b) working with them?

The Karuna faction and TMVP have also been accused of many human rights abuses, including forced recruitment of children as cadres and there is good evidence to suggest this is true. Anyway, the story gets a little more bizarre as since 2004 Karuna hasn't really been seen, rumours said he was in Colombo, Australia and even that he was dead- but no one officially at least, knew. Then he turns up in the UK with a Sri Lankan Diplomatic Passport issued under a false name. Karuna says the Sri Lankan government gave it to him, the SL government denies this (of course). Anyway, Karuna has been charged with identity fraud in the UK and sentenced to 9 months in jail. Now it gets interesting as human rights groups, including Human Rights Watch, want him to stand trial in the UK for human rights abuses, and his testimony could be very revealing about Sri Lanka's conflict since 2002.

Independence Day Bombs in Sri Lanka

The 60th Anniversary of Sri Lanka's independence has been a show of strength for the government with army, navy and airforce marching around major cities, big gun salutes and heightened security in the form of road blocks and, if you are to believe an email thing that sends me stuff every now and then, Dialog, the biggest mobile operator in the country suspended SMS text messaging as a safeguard from the LTTE using texts to instill fear and organise  bombings etc. - wow that's a pretty strong indication of what people think texts can do.

But, with or without text messages somebody, and lets not pretend, its 99.9999999999999 % certain to be the LTTE lets of a bomb on a bus in Anuradhapura (where I lived for 4 + years).

Its all such a mess.

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New Mammal Discovered and the Freeconomy, whatomy?

Interesting day really. A Cat Sized Freak of a mammal (my description) has been 'discovered' in the mountains of Tanzania. Dr. Galun Rathbun (great name or what?) says "you get kind of wrapped up in them" and their bizarre appearance and unique behavioural  ecology- quite. I'm sure the elephant shrew (for that is its type) was quite happy being undiscovered and I wonder if any locals said to the scientists- "Oh yeah that thing, there's loads of them round here, why are you so excited? Didn't you know about them?" and then turning to their mate smirking and saying " these mzungos, they ain't got a clue, go get the dog with the weird ears and see if they freak over him too". I didn't get the antelope likeness described  here but I'm sure they know more than I do about antelopes. This photo of  Dr. Rathbun  is taken from the BBC... but I think you will agree that ain't no antelope he's holding. The mammal is-  dubbed Rhynochocyon udzungwensis- I thought we dubbed knights?



Apparently some people, well one person, believes that Ghandi's first name was Goosey Goosey. That's what pressure does to a person on quiz shows like Uni Challenge (its a lot better than it sounds, and funnier too) and Who Wants to be a Millionaire (I do! The film High Society, from where the song comes (not the quiz) is damn fine, Bing and Frank and Grace- wonderful stuff). Any way, I'm wandering- my favourite reply to a question on a quiz has to be:

Q. Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?

A. Jesus

Dude, you got to love that. I can only presume that the answer came from the loin cloth part of the question, which must have triggered the Jesus image so beloved of crucifixion (go on google crucifixion and you'll see lots of Jesus in loin cloth) ..... Anyway, I don't recall jungle-swinging being mentioned in the Bible (but I might be wrong, there's plenty of genocide, misogyny and sex in there, so there might be jungle-swinging).

Right nearly finished, bare with me.....

In Russia 17 tourists at a health spar had to go to hospital when water and peroxide got mixed up- it makes me wince to even imagine. Apparently the similarity between water and peroxide (they're both clear) caused the Kerfuffle, rather than the stupidity of some one who couldn't read a label and has no sense of smell. The fact that it happened to 17 people also makes me wince- was it done 1 by 1, or were all 17 hooked up to the same bizarre machine with pumps and tubes included?



And finally, Mark Boyle is off!!! Meaning he's left home, but he might be "off his rocker" too. He's part of a v. small Free- Economy, Freeconomy (geddit) movement and is walking to India from Bristol without a single penny in his pocket. Good luck to the man, I wouldn't walk home without a wedge of cash in my man-bag murse and 10 dollars in my sock. You can follow his progress here and see who has helped him and how. He's from Bristol, my neck of the woods, and spent a couple of days in Glastonbury (the Vale of Avalon, King Arthur, Druids, Tors and the Pop Festival- ring any bells) where I'm sure people loved the idea of Freeconomy
 
"It's about making the transition from a money-based communityless society to a community-based moneyless society" (Its about making up new words too, obviously e.g. Freeconomy, Philisofree)

Whilst I am never ever going to walk from Bristol to India, I honestly hope that Mark Boyle makes it. Especially as he's " got a lot of faith in humanity" and I think we could all do with a little more faith in humanity, don't you? The BBC, as ever they are worried about him, mention Afghanistan as a partial stumbling block to this incredible journey. Rather I thought Dover might be an issue as he tries to blag his way onto the RO RO to France.... can you imagine it?

Mr. Boyle "Alright mate, I'm walking to India with no money, Can I get a free ride on your boat? "

Mr. Ticket Man " You having a larf mate? Go on gedoutoit.... "

Mr. Boyle " No really, I got a lot of faith in Humanity, I really don't have any money"

Mr. Ticket Man " Look mate, I got no problems with you people- Hippies and stuff, but you aren't getting on this boat with no money and those yellow trousers on"

Who knows I got a sneaking feeling it will all come good in the end... and we'll all know about Freeconomy by the end of the year.

What a great Friday!!!!

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Charles Taylor and Body Building

The former president of Liberia is on trial in the Hague, not for crimes committed in Liberia, but for "Crimes against Humanity" committed in Sierra Leone when, it is alleged, Taylor supported rebels and, by association, was responsible for the atrocities caused there. Its a complicated business and confusing to say the least. The local press here in Monrovia are heavily covering the trial which resumed only recently and coincidentally at the same time as the local Truth and Reconciliation Council has started. "The TRC has been charged with the responsibility of investigating the root causes of the conflict in Liberia" (https://www.trcofliberia.org/). Based on the model developed in South Africa the harrowing stories from witnesses describe rape, torture, amputation, murder and mayhem on all the front pages. I can't help but think how brave these individuals are to be the first witnesses, naming often well known individuals they must fear recriminations. I hope the TRC gather momentum and more people come forward to tell their stories.

In a completely unrelated note, and just cause I liked the blog title it created, went down into West Point before Xmas to meet Benny Da Bouncer and his mates who are all part of a makeshift body building club. West Point is a densely populated slum jutting out into the ocean on the western edge of Monrovia.




The guys have created an open air gym and weights made out of gear wheels and sprockets and dumbbells from cast iron. When wandering around the area, Benny and his brothers escorted us, fearing we would be jumped on by the reprobates who, its rumoured, live in the neighbourhood.

The great man himself is a Liberian weight lifter and last year traveled to Algeria to take part in an African nations competition. He looks a lot scarier than he is and he used to bounce in a pool bar in town......








The area suffers from many issues and problems, unemployment and lack of sanitation being two big ones..... .as this sign attests, neighbours do their best to stop people using their houses as toilets.....





Down by the sea, the beach area is covered in rubbish and small fish drying and smoking areas, it may look quite picturesque but believe me its the only place to pepe, ass ho.



And finally, friend Graeme had a rude awakening when he realised his double is a model for a barber shop sign.....

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